Violence in the Office

February 27, 2007 at 5:10 pm | Posted in @theoffice | Leave a comment

It hasn’t quite come to that yet, but only because I have such amazing self-control. Well that and I’m under-caffeinated because people keep drinking the last of the coffee in the breakroom without making more. I swear, I’ve gotten 3 cups of coffee today and I’ve had to brew FOUR pots of coffee. So this afternoon I sent the following email to the company, subject: “Coffee. It’s like blood, except you drink it:”

That right folks…
Studies in lab rats (and office drones) have shown that caffeine intake is directly proportional to productivity.

Lowell has been gracious enough to supply the means to an unending supply of that sweet, sweet elixir that will keep as all in the happies.

All that is required is 45 seconds of your time.
Only YOU can prevent empty the carafe blues.

If you drink coffee, and after pouring yourself a fresh hot cup, there is only a cup’s worth left in the pot.


It isn’t hard: Dump the dregs. Remove the spent grounds from the filter basket. Insert new filter. Measure the proper amount of coffee (use the white ceramic mug on top of the coffee machine. fill it nearly full for regular, and heaping full for high-test.). Replace filter basket. Hit switch.


The single easiest way to always be John’s friend.

But it isn’t just for me…
The entertainment industry is America’s most noble industrial pursuit, and the whole industry is fueled by coffee. Like coal to the steel mills or lumber to the uh… lumber jacks, Coffee is Hollywood’s most precious raw material. With out nature’s sweetest nectar, our Clients would be listless zombies.

For the sake of our clients (who pay YOUR bills) it is of the utmost importance that we always have plentiful and fresh coffee.
Happy clients mean happy YOU.

I haven’t had any response yet, but hopefully tomorrow our 3-pot coffee machine will have more than 3 tablespoons of coffee available at any given time.


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